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As if there was any doubt, the doctor confirmed the pregnancy on Thursday, Rosh Hashanah 5774.  Talk about being written in the book of life, prosperity, and merit.  I prayed for you, for your healthy growth, for my strength and health in getting through the year, for Rick's strength and support, and for joy and health and happiness for my friends and family.

It really blows my mind that I'm pregnant.  I spent a long time thinking about not being ready to be pregnant, how it was not the right time then, and it truly wasn't, so that's valid, and thinking about all the things that can go wrong and that I can't control.  This is also valid, but Ilan points out that yes, things can go wrong, but the female body is built to reproduce.  It's what we're meant to do at the basic level.  There are so many more instances of things going right than things going wrong.

I've been kind of lucky, I think.  My life has not been perfect: things have not "fallen into place," there has not been an easy, straight path from there to here, and all my dreams haven't come true.  However, my body is a wonderful body.  When I treat it right, it works as it should.  I've hurt myself, and when I did the right things to heal, I healed.  Once I lost weight from dealing with diabetes, I became regular in my period and got pregnant within two months of starting to try.  When I exercise and eat right, I lose weight and gain a bit of tone.  I have faith that if I continue to eat right and exercise in the correct moderation, I'll stay healthy.  Now I have the help of some very well-educated doctors/nurses/nutritionists who specifically monitor, advise, and assist pregnant ladies with diabetes, and I will stay on top of my end of things.

I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about how this next ~35 weeks will go.  Right now I'm at the lowest weight I've been in years, and it feels great.  I haven't gained weight in the last 4-5 weeks, nor do I expect to in the next 3-4 weeks.  However, it's time I bought a book or two on all that.  Yes, yes, there are online resources in excess, but I really like owning a book.  (You'll notice that immediately, once you notice things about your environment.)  When is it likely to become obvious to the rest of the world: 3 months? Shortly before, shortly after?  Eh, that doesn't exactly matter.  We've told one family, because we couldn't keep it to ourselves, even though it's really early to tell people.  We haven't told our parents, other family members, or other friends.  It should wait until there's less likelihood of miscarriage - perhaps it's superstition, but I'd rather have a confidante if I need it and not a LOT of people with expectations and then a LOT of people with commiseration.  Anyway, I'm really not thinking of that - I'm focusing on the rest of my life as a parent.

We haven't finished unpacking boxes and making our new place the home it will be before next April (ballpark timing).  I will not make everything baby-proof at this time: it's more about making it home.  Covering all electrical outlets and latching cabinets and all that joy can wait.  }:->  Nor am I buying all the children's books yet.  I'm wondering if Tahl still has any of hers or if they're all scattered to other ladies who have had babies in the last 5-7 years.

Oh man, I will want to tell the family at Eliana's bat mitzvah.  Everyone will be there, even Gadi's kids, even Shirley and Lenny, and I would LOVE to share this with them.  However, it will be only 2 months at that point, so no.  *sigh*  I hope no-one asks, because I would hate to lie to them.

This Thursday I have my gestational diabetes clinic in the morning, and either a week or two later, a follow-up with a nurse or nutritionist or the like.  The person with whom I spoke today said "you're barely pregnant so we might wait a week on that" - hahahahahohohoho, "barely pregnnat!"  I know what she means, but it was funny.  At least that tells me that I can't be doing anything to make this go horribly wrong, or they would be more insistent.

I will try not to be the most paranoid mom ever, but it might be difficult.  We'll see how it goes.

(I really wonder if Rick would be okay with me asking Ilan to stop by for the first month or so.  It would be SO GREAT to have him with us, in so many ways.  I will have to form that argument carefully, and hope that Ilan is available and able.)

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October 2013

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