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As I suspected, this baby is a camping baby. I can put on our annual calendar the anniversary of its conception. *grin* I bet if I say the way to commemorate is to have sex, Rick would be okay with it; however, if we say instead the way to celebrate is to NOT have sex because we don't want to have another baby the same general time as the first, because that would be mean having two kids with nearly the same birthday, then... hmmmm. I'll have to think about that one.

We can see arm buds and leg buds and some bones growing: nose and chin seem to be there, as well as big head, heart, and yolk sack while the placenta isn't finished developing yet. The yolk sack is one way to tell it's less than 12 weeks old.

If we go to term, that would put it smack in the middle of May. Two weeks early, which is a possibility, would mean April 30th or so, and if we did need to induce somewhere in that range we could ask for May the 4th and call it a present to ourselves in honor of Chris and Janice's wedding! However, Luke and Leia are not names being considered, nor any of the other Star Wars franchise names.

I heard no heartbeat, but I saw it, and I have pictures. Wow. It's fantastic, as in fantastical, that we get to see these images from inside my body - honest to God, there is a proto-person being supported/supporting itself, right next to my bladder. (Oh lord, I have not had to pee so badly for so long as the last 30 minutes before the appointment today.)

Peanut, Dot, Tiny Giant Head, Tadpole, whatever gestational nickname we come up with, I see you now. We see you. I mean, not like a window, that would be hugely creepy and not too secure, but, well, there you are, kicking and waving and swimming. You are entirely sticking with me, babe. We're in it together, you and me.

Current Mood: giddy
Crossposts: http://newmom2014.livejournal.com/1969.html

Tomorrow I go for the ultrasound, and I hope to hear the heartbeat, and I don't know if I'll get more than that. It's still pretty darn small (maybe 5 mm?), so there probably won't be any image to identify.

The bat-mitzvah went fabulously; I told the family beforehand so I wouldn't have to sit on that info the entire time, and I told Meg while I was down there, who was overjoyed. The delivery was awesome, too: about managing the diabetes and how they've taken me off Metformin b/c in Canada they don't want an artificial hormone that might possibly go to the baby so I'm on insulin, and she said "so is this your way of telling me you're pregnant?" Yes!! *grin* I got a bag of maternity clothes from Jenna, which I still haven't gone through, and Tahl said that when I go visit her in November she'll see if she can unearth her maternity stuff. I asked why she still has hers - it's been a long while and she's given a lot away - and she said "well, I kept the pretty stuff." Awwww, she's willing to give me her pretty maternity clothes! That's entirely awesome, even if I'm not sure how it'll fit.

I have been so blessed so far: our friend Rob let the cat out of the bag about his new wife Marcy and their pregnancy a week or two before I found out about ours, and she's been sick as a dog, evidently, at only 9 weeks now. I have been able to eat what I want to eat, and haven't gotten sick, and haven't had any other physical weirdness. I am very thankful for that.

They took about 12 vials of blood (okay, maybe 9) from me last Thursday, to do some genetic testing as well as A1C as well as this that and the other, and all results should be in by the time I go to the doctors again on Oct. 22nd. I might call by Thursday just to find out about the A1C because I'm intensely curious (obsessive, me?), but I might be able to leave it alone for a week.

We told Carmen as well: she sqeeeee'd and jumped up and down and gave big hugs; she's going to be a grandma! We're not going to tell Eduardo until it's very obvious, because he isn't good at keeping new information, so it would make more sense for it to be extremely concrete, perhaps with photographic documentation. She agreed that going to Spain in September would be acceptable, depending on his health - if he's in the hospital or needs her, then no. I also think it'll depend on the health of me and the baby, which I sincerely hope will be absolutely fine. I cannot tell you how thrilled and excited I am to be going to Tarragona, Spain, with my family - family, husband and baby and mother-in-law, how awesome is that? Oh, the pictures we'll take!

Crossposts: http://newmom2014.livejournal.com/1546.html

I'm having some trouble hitting the blood sugar numbers, and it makes me a tiny bit anxious, but the diabetes nurse said that even when you test on your own machine twice within two minutes, you'll see slightly different numbers, and as long as they're within 10% of each other, that's just about what we're getting. What that tells me is that there's a significant margin of error, and if I'm supposed to be at 7.8 and I'm at 8.1 I'm not doing serious damage. I guess I'll find out when Moira reviews my progress on Thursday.

I go to the OB/GYN for the first time on Wednesday afternoon! I asked if they were going to do an ultrasound, because I thought it was a little early for that, and indeed that's not the plan. They're going to listen for the heartbeat. Wow. That will be amazing. I'm sorry Rick won't be there for that - I should try and see if they can schedule something for later in the day so he might be able to take off from work a little early and go to the next one with me. Another thought I had about that is - oh man, I hope it's just one heartbeat. What if it's twins? He said twins run in their family. Gadi and Jenna will be over the moon, I mean everyone will be thrilled, but then we'll have two sets of twins, and the Arino name will continue strongly as well. I don't even want to go down that road, though of course I've already thought "well, I'm not sure if the room we want to use for the kid's room will work; we'll have to entirely re-do things." Oy. This is called "borrowing trouble" and if we do have twins, we'll work out the house stuff. It's pretty damn awesome to be having any children, and two will be more than twice the EVERYTHING. But: let's just not start that yet, shall we? Sheesh, woman, calm down.

We'll be traveling to NYC for Eliana's bat mitzvah in a few weeks, and I REALLY want to tell the family on that Sunday so I can be with not just the nuclear family but Shirley and Lenny as well. It'll be after Eliana's big day, so that shouldn't be a problem. We intend to tell Carmen before that - I'd like to tell her Wednesday night after the OB/GYN appt but Rick wants to wait on setting up that conversation until he hears whatever there is to hear from that meeting. Okay, I can respect that. We have to tell her soon, though, because she wants to take us on a trip to Spain, and the timing of that will be greatly affected by this pregnancy and the birth of our child. }:-> Our child. Oh lord.

I've wanted to tell the rabbi, Ilan, Tahl, Meg, and work - work needs to know sooner than later because of all the appointments I'll be setting up. At the very least, I'd tell Christy... because she'll have to start thinking about hiring a mat leave person for me. Oy indeed! Poor Christy, another search.

The doctor says I'm 7.5 weeks or so, because they date from the first day of last period or something like that, but if we look at the calendar and the likely days of conception, it's more like 6 weeks or so. I'm going totally NUTS not telling anyone. We've told Tami and Lonnie because we decided we couldn't keep it entirely to ourselves. At this point, I want to tell Christy at work because the number of doctor's appointments keeps going up and it's irksome scheduling-wise. I don't feel comfortable saying it's all about the diabetes, because it's not. *shrug* I'll double-check with Rick once more before telling her.

I met with the internist yesterday. She said that in actuality I don't have gestational diabetes, I have Type II diabetes, and I'm pregnant. Gestational diabetes goes away at the end of the pregnancy, therefore I don't have it. However, I am doing the exact same regimen of tightly controlled blood sugar levels, so for all intents and purposes we could say "diabetic pregnancy" or something. As long as everyone knows what I'm talking about, it's fine. We're not all that nit-picky.

I started using two different insulin injector-pens: one for before each meal (a fast-acting insulin), one before bed (slow-acting). I'm increasing the dosage slowly until my BSLs are in the correct range at each testing. So far, after one lunch and one dinner, the dinner dosage was spot-on! Did I do everything right, or did I not eat enough carbs? I'm erring on the side of "I did it right" because it makes me feel better. I am in need of little victories.

I've stopped losing weight and actually gained a pound in the last week or two; yeah, between the 5th and the 16th of September I gained 1 lb - no longer exercising at lunch, but taking shorter walks more often. I'd like to take slightly longer walks, like 15-20 minutes at lunch and 15 minutes after dinner. The holidays, however, throw everything off. That's probably part of the culprit: the 5th and 6th were Rosh Hashanah, so not at work and not in the usual routine.

I read that "pregnancy brain" is a real thing because typically, pregnant ladies are stressed out and probably not sleeping enough, and that combo will put dents in anyone's mental faculties. If so, I'm so screwed. *grin* Yesterday I forgot my wallet at home; today I forgot my work laptop! Oy.

Carmen offered us a belated wedding present: she wants to give us each a round-trip ticket to Tarragona, Spain, plus lodging while in Tarragona, and spend that time with us and show us the town, her home town. She'd like to do this between May and September of 2014, for 4 weeks but certainly no less than 3 weeks. Rick's response is "why not last year?!?" and my response is "I can never get 4 weeks off of work even though I have that much vacation time b/c I have to take half of it for Jewish holidays," nor can Rick take all 4 weeks of his vacation at once because he has other things for which he wants to take off time, as do I. Also, we're due right when she wants to go, so ... yeah, not travelling to Spain in the first month of the baby's life! I'd have no problem with the first two weeks of September: I'd be on maternity leave, so it wouldn't be an issue with my vacation time, it would just be if Rick had 2 weeks then. Would 5 months be okay for that kind of trip? Yet another thing to ask my GP.

As if there was any doubt, the doctor confirmed the pregnancy on Thursday, Rosh Hashanah 5774. Talk about being written in the book of life, prosperity, and merit. I prayed for you, for your healthy growth, for my strength and health in getting through the year, for Rick's strength and support, and for joy and health and happiness for my friends and family.

It really blows my mind that I'm pregnant. I spent a long time thinking about not being ready to be pregnant, how it was not the right time then, and it truly wasn't, so that's valid, and thinking about all the things that can go wrong and that I can't control. This is also valid, but Ilan points out that yes, things can go wrong, but the female body is built to reproduce. It's what we're meant to do at the basic level. There are so many more instances of things going right than things going wrong.

I've been kind of lucky, I think. My life has not been perfect: things have not "fallen into place," there has not been an easy, straight path from there to here, and all my dreams haven't come true. However, my body is a wonderful body. When I treat it right, it works as it should. I've hurt myself, and when I did the right things to heal, I healed. Once I lost weight from dealing with diabetes, I became regular in my period and got pregnant within two months of starting to try. When I exercise and eat right, I lose weight and gain a bit of tone. I have faith that if I continue to eat right and exercise in the correct moderation, I'll stay healthy. Now I have the help of some very well-educated doctors/nurses/nutritionists who specifically monitor, advise, and assist pregnant ladies with diabetes, and I will stay on top of my end of things.

I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about how this next ~35 weeks will go. Right now I'm at the lowest weight I've been in years, and it feels great. I haven't gained weight in the last 4-5 weeks, nor do I expect to in the next 3-4 weeks. However, it's time I bought a book or two on all that. Yes, yes, there are online resources in excess, but I really like owning a book. (You'll notice that immediately, once you notice things about your environment.) When is it likely to become obvious to the rest of the world: 3 months? Shortly before, shortly after? Eh, that doesn't exactly matter. We've told one family, because we couldn't keep it to ourselves, even though it's really early to tell people. We haven't told our parents, other family members, or other friends. It should wait until there's less likelihood of miscarriage - perhaps it's superstition, but I'd rather have a confidante if I need it and not a LOT of people with expectations and then a LOT of people with commiseration. Anyway, I'm really not thinking of that - I'm focusing on the rest of my life as a parent.

We haven't finished unpacking boxes and making our new place the home it will be before next April (ballpark timing). I will not make everything baby-proof at this time: it's more about making it home. Covering all electrical outlets and latching cabinets and all that joy can wait. }:-> Nor am I buying all the children's books yet. I'm wondering if Tahl still has any of hers or if they're all scattered to other ladies who have had babies in the last 5-7 years.

Oh man, I will want to tell the family at Eliana's bat mitzvah. Everyone will be there, even Gadi's kids, even Shirley and Lenny, and I would LOVE to share this with them. However, it will be only 2 months at that point, so no. *sigh* I hope no-one asks, because I would hate to lie to them.

This Thursday I have my gestational diabetes clinic in the morning, and either a week or two later, a follow-up with a nurse or nutritionist or the like. The person with whom I spoke today said "you're barely pregnant so we might wait a week on that" - hahahahahohohoho, "barely pregnnat!" I know what she means, but it was funny. At least that tells me that I can't be doing anything to make this go horribly wrong, or they would be more insistent.

I will try not to be the most paranoid mom ever, but it might be difficult. We'll see how it goes.

(I really wonder if Rick would be okay with me asking Ilan to stop by for the first month or so. It would be SO GREAT to have him with us, in so many ways. I will have to form that argument carefully, and hope that Ilan is available and able.)

Last night in bed, I was thinking to myself as I got warm under the covers, the taste of anniversary cake still on my tongue. "Don't get fat, zygote" was the thought that surfaced. Having diabetes, I was worried that sugar right before bed, instead of milk or toast with whatever, would screw up even the basic blocks of development, or cause serious growth that leads to a premie, or something like that. It was not "I hope I don't have a fat child" but more like "please develop normally even though sometimes I have more sugar than I should." It was the first thought actually directed at the tiny group of cells currently hopefully multiplying in my womb.

Rick and I started trying to get pregnant on his 41st birthday, or perhaps a day or two after because I was too stuffed from the River Rock Casino's all-you-can-eat buffet, even *with* following good eating principles. There was a period in July, so that didn't take, and my doctor had said that she'd give me 6 months of trying before she'd start to discuss alternate treatments to get pregnant. At my age, with my history of irregular periods, perhaps I had fewer eggs to begin with or not a lot left, and also being diabetic we want to be very careful of everything. She uses scare tactic a lot, I think, but is all about helping me achieve our goal of having a baby and maintaining my good health.

I think we had more sex in August than in the three months prior. *grin* Okay, okay, maybe the two months prior. Anyway, in August we had our camping 10 days with a bunch of friends (once), the following week of packing and schlepping boxes to the new place, packing weekend, loading and unloading of Lonnie's van, inaugurating the new place (two rooms), more packing and moving, and finally being out of the old place entirely. Somewhere in there, maybe as early as the first week of August, my body caught what his body was pitching and it's all come together. I took 2 digital tests, both of which said "yes." I started to have a feeling the week before; I felt a twinge that I thought might be PMS, but there was no outcome. After 5 days of no outcome, I was suspicious. I bought the tests after Tami commented that wasn't it time for me to menstruate, since we're pretty close in cycles? *chuckle* This is why it's good and bad to have close girlfriends - they'll remind you of important things, but now I have to put off any other questions she may have for about two months.

I don't want to spill the beans early. I'm trying to make an appointment with my doctor for this week, because she's said repeatedly that as soon as I know I'm pregnant I should be off the Metformin and on insulin to manage my diabetes, so I stopped taking the Metformin as of last night just in case. I don't know if it does damage, or it's just not sufficiently tested and since it's not actually insulin it's better not to take a chance. I don't know what kind of significant chromosomal damage can be done this early, but why risk any more than the situation dictates?

I'm 37; I'll be 38 when the child is born. There are inherent risks to a first pregnancy at this age. Then there's being diabetic; I don't know if there are more risks in that for the baby or for me. Eventually I think Rick should come with me to one of my doctor's appointments so he can get updated on this type of thing first-hand instead of second-hand. Even if somehow two tests are wrong, it's better to know. However, my body is an amazing machine: once I pay attention to it, it seems to work pretty well. Since the end of May, I've lost about 20 lbs (not sure exactly to date) by eating better and exercising a ton more than I have in the last three years. All I have to do now is keep that up for the rest of my life and I hope to be doing okay well into (and past) my 90's.

I am pregnant. That's damn cool. I'm so incredibly psyched for this pregnancy. I've wanted to be pregnant for a while now and I'm actually looking forward to all the changes that will happen. I'm wary of the possible problems, but I'll do everything in my power to make this baby healthy and prepare both of us for its birth and beyond.